I'm just here for the beer

I can beat up my brother, but YOU'd better not!

2006-08-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

I'm ranting over here because the last time this person pissed me off over there, it started a mini-war. I am so fucking sick of people who rag on my religion. I don't care if you think it's a bunch of hooey, or that the Catholic church is oppressive, by condemning and belittling (in a favorable forum, I might add, how many alt members are going to be offended by you slamming Catholocism) you are just like the actions which you condemn.

I am a liberal Catholic. I don't agree with everything that comes out of the Vatican. But I do consider it. I don't believe that IVF is wrong, therefore I don't believe embryonic stem-cell research is wrong. But at least the Vatican is consistant on that. Unlike the Bush administration. You can't be for one and against the other in my opinion.

The Catholic church is an easy target for cheap shots. Just as the US is. I get pretty pissed off by people who DON'T LIVE HERE criticizing my country. It's not just that, I think it's the way she does it too. Looking down from a position of lofty superiority. Look, I didn't vote for this administration, which gives ME and not YOU the right to bitch about it.

More puppy pics

2006-07-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

Daisy is coming home next Saturday. Woo hoo!

Just keep truckin'

2006-07-19T23:48:00.000-07:00

An ammendment to my previous blog regarding obsession. Here's the rub, I am me. Fantasizing that I'm someone else is just silly and fruitless. I've just gotta power through this madness. And reality check. The good news is that I can't not be me for long, so this is just a temporary case of insanity. Just keep being me that's all I can do.

One of my favorite priests said that original sin, the sin of Adam and Eve, is not that they disobeyed God. It's that they didn't think they were good enough as they were. I try to remember that and revel in the creation of myself.

Obsession stinks

2006-07-17T15:38:00.000-07:00

Crappity crap crap crap. My latest crush is fast becoming a bit obsessive. I fucking hate that because it signals the beginning of the end for me. I get to a point where I am too afraid to be myself fearful that my crush won't like me and I start acting weird. Overanalyzing myself and my actions and my crush and my crush's actions. "What does this mean?" or "Is he just trying to get rid of me?"

And I fantasize about my crush. And what I just realized this minute, sitting on the plane coming home from Colorado, is that I'm not really fantasizing about a boy. I'm fantasizing about myself. That I'm someone else. How fucking sick/sad is that shit?

A..B...C...D...puppies

2006-06-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

L....M....N...O....puppies.......O.....S......A......R......C.....M....P....N

Okay, that was seriously lame. I just had to do it. This is my new puppy, Daisy. I get to take her home in August. She's so fucking cute.

It is what it is....

2006-06-25T20:27:00.000-07:00

Warning: whiney PMS (poor me syndrome) crap to follow.

After my weekend with the lunatic family (as described at the other place) I find myself in a cranky, cynical mood. Cari used a phrase I'd coined as a blog title, and for some reason it just bothered me. I only have a few good witticisms, do ya gotta use 'em? My personality is all I've really got going for me, and her using my words just feels like, c'mon let me have one thing that I can work it with. It's kinda fun, kinda weird blogging on the same site. She's getting a lot more singles action than I am. I'm not using alt to hook up with anyone right now, but it plays into my insecurities. It's always the same. Guys want to talk to me, and want to fuck her. She's not too fond of that situation either.

What the fuck is wrong with me that I get envious of my friends? Even if I don't really want what they have. I don't want casual sex, but I do want to have someone that's interested in me. Even if I realize it's just a sham, that they wouldn't want me once they saw me. It just feels like I'm fucking repellant. In lots of areas of my life right now that I don't want to post.

Maybe it's just revisiting parental issues that's bringing this up. Donna (my mom's neighbor) is telling me I need to be demonstrative with my dad. Major rejection issues there. And that makes me feel guilty, because it's not like my dad abandoned us like so many fathers have. He was just emotionally unavailable. And I realize that it's because of his baggage with his parents. But sometimes I just want to say, what about me? When do I get to cry on someone's shoulder? Can't I just have someone who's there for me?

And saying this shit makes me feel so guilty and selfish. But it is.

a side note: my roommate is so sweet, she can hear me sniffing and wiping my face and she asks: You okay? Of course I say yeah, like it's no big deal. And there you have it.

Results, or lack thereof...

2006-06-21T23:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've procrastinated enough. My accomplishments this weekend: On friday, I made my bed and put away my laundry. Today, tuesday, there is a pile of clean laundry on my bed.

I ended up going on a road trip with Cari. (details on the alt blog) It was a much needed mental health day. This weekend I'm heading off to visit mis padres. Doesn't look like the house is getting cleaned anytime soon....

Can I get an atta' girl? Please?

2006-06-16T10:13:00.000-07:00

I so didn't want to go to the gym today. I woke up still super sore from Wednesday's workout. After Monday's dissapointment, I started working harder, pushing myself more. And I'm sore from it. But I went. I did it and now it's done and I can enjoy (sort of) my next two days off of the gym.

Today is my weekend. I'm off tomorrow too. Here are my plans: clean the house to bottom, re-arrange furniture in my bedroom and the living room, find some fabric and begin sewing, and time permitting catch a movie. I'll update on Sunday what I actually got done.

FRUSTRATION!

2006-06-13T11:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday sucked! I was actually excited to get measured at Curves. I've been going loyally for two months three times a week. I've not missed. They finally got my info from the one in KC a month ago and I got measured. So my first time to see my progress was yesterday. And nothing. My arms and thighs were slightly (one inch or less) smaller. But my bust, waist and hips no change. What the fuck? I was so frustrated.

I go to the gym because I know I need to exercise, not really to lose weight. But that should be a side effect of it. I don't see how I could have possibly worked my ass (odviously not off) and have it not moved an inch. I feel it in my muscles, they're fucking sore! But the fat has stayed in the same spots. Motherfuckers!

Next week I'm gonna see if I can get measured again, when I'm not on the rag and see if that makes a difference.

Brain shit

2006-06-09T10:32:00.000-07:00

It an attempt to feel better and begin to get my dietary habits going toward the right track, I went grocery shopping this morning after the gym. Since our fridge is broken, this can be a bit more difficult. I bought some fruit, frozen (the freezer is still working for now) lean cuisine and smart ones meals for work, bottled water, and pita. I know that I need to make huge changes in my lifestyle, but doing it one step at a time is how I'm going about it. Next week will mark two months of going to Curves three times a week. I also get measured on Monday (one month after my last measuring)

This morning was difficult. I think it's because of the crap, utter crap, I've been ingesting. It's like I'm possessed. I turn my brain off and go to that Drive-Thru. I've analyzed and analyzed it over and over. Trying to find why I'm a compulsive over-eater. And I don't come up with any answers. Well, any lasting ones. And then I wonder, do the reasons matter? If I know the exact reason why I'm fucked up in this way, will I be able to change it? I kind of doubt that. Maybe this is just something I was born with, nature not nurture. I mean, not all addicts have some childhood trauma that makes them an addict. Some just are. And it's the actions, not feeding the addiction, that is important. Not so much the reason behind it.

This is my issue. I don't have addiction problems with anything else. Other that my compulsive over-eating, I'm pretty mentally healthy. This is my thing. And I need to get over it.

More physical woes....

2006-06-08T23:39:00.000-07:00

Fucking tendonitis! My hand, wrist and arm are killing me! Additionally, instead of shaping up, I've been eating utter crap for the last two days. I made an appointment for a physical, but it's like three weeks from now. First available my ass.

Fee Fie Foe Fum, I smell the blood of a Scotsman

2006-06-04T22:01:00.001-07:00

Well, my brilliant idea of a Cranium tournament ended up being a bit more low key. Just Cari and my cousins and their very cute kids. Matt and I kicked Cari and Heather's asses!! Woo hoo (doing the victory dance) Was set to make artichoke and spinach stuffed mushrooms, hummus, and lemon pepper chicken with strawberry filled cupcakes. I ended up making the hummus and the cupcakes (which were most awesome, white cupcakes with a strawberry inside and strawberry, whipped cream and mascarpone mixed up topping oh yeah) My cousin's wife made a really good fruit salad and Cari brought a veggie tray.

So tonight I needed to use the mushrooms so I saute'd them with garlic and spinach and chicken then topped it with this artichoke pesto I found at Trader Joe's and threw in some pasta and parm. It was a pretty good experiment.

I'm a little freaked out. I went to lunch with my grandma and brother. Wasn't too carb heavy, salad and salmon although I did eat too much bread. But I practically passed out on the way home and was snoozing at grandma's. That's what happened to the ex-best friend I refer to on occassion. She kept falling asleep after eating and was diagnosed with Diabetes. I know it's a possibility for me, but with the working out I'm hoping to head it off at the pass. I just need to make an appointment for a physical anyhow, it's been a while.

Oh, and if you're reading this my little lurking friend, show yourself!

2006-06-04T22:01:00.000-07:00

A true tale of success?

2006-06-03T23:13:00.000-07:00

My uber-Republican aunt sent me this. Not sure if she's aware of the term irony....

A YOUNG HILLBILLY NAMED KENNY MOVED TO TEXAS AND
BOUGHT A DONKEY FROM A FARMER FOR $100.00. THE FARMER AGREED
TO DELIVER THE DONKEY

THE NEXT DAY. THE NEXT DAY THE FARMER DROVE UP AND SAID,
"SORRY SON, BUT I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS! THE DONKEY UP AND DIED."

KENNY REPLIED, "WELL, THEN, JUST GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK."

THE FARMER SAID, "CAN'T DO THAT. I WENT AND SPENT IT ALREADY."

KENNY SAID, "OK, THEN, JUST BRING ME THE DEAD DONKEY."

THE FARMER ASKED, "WHAT YA GONNA DO WITH HIM?"

KENNY SAID, "I'M GOING TO RAFFLE HIM OFF."

THE FARMER SAID, "YOU CAN'T RAFFLE OFF A DEAD DONKEY!"

KENNY SAID, "SURE I CAN. WATCH ME. I JUST WON'T TELL ANYBODY HE IS DEAD."

A MONTH LATER, THE FARMER MET UP WITH KENNY AND ASKED,
"WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT DEAD DONKEY"

KENNY SAID, "I RAFFLED HIM OFF. I SOLD 500 TICKETS AT TWO
DOLLARS A PIECE AND MADE A PROFIT OF $ 898.00."

THE FARMER SAID, "DIDN'T ANYONE COMPLAIN?"

KENNY SAID, "JUST THE GUY WHO WON SO I GAVE HIM HIS TWO
DOLLARS BACK."

KENNY GREW UP AND EVENTUALLY BECAME THE CHAIRMAN OF ENRON.

I'm a lush, nah, just a good Scot!

2006-05-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

The weekend of debauchary has concluded. I got hammered out in the desert on Sunday. After going to the store, I realized that my brother and I brought 34 beers to my folks house. And my dad, of course, had some at home, and that was just for three beer drinkers. Well, I didn't drink it all. Only a Boddington's (reminded me of an alt blogger) a Modelo Negro and about six (I think) Newcastles (I drank the others while I was waiting for the Newie to cool) Then my mom's neighbor who's down for the summer (she does the opposite of the Canadians in Palm Springs, who leave when it's 115 degrees out) was making mango and then strawberry margaritas. It would've been rude to have refused.

I woke up surprisingly chipper. My poor brother, who must not have enough Scots in his blood, was in agony. Went swimming with Dad, since Curves was closed yesterday. After about five laps I was gasping for breath I walked a couple (old folks lap pool, it's only four feet deep) then decided to swim one, walk one. At least I didn't give up! I think I was in the pool for roughly half an hour, it's better than having thrown in the towel or taken a complete day off. I'll be going back to Curves tomorrow.

I drove home through crappy holiday traffic. Stop and go for about fifty miles (I'm serious) And I'm quite proud of myself that I didn't give in to temptation when Bob's hangover required us to stop at Carl's Jr. for a Guacamole-Bacon Six Dollar Burger, I wasn't hungry and only got a Diet Coke. But watching him chow down on a big 'ole hamburger and smelling the grills going, I did want to have some grilled (not bbq, living in KC did rub off some. Barbecue is low and slow. Grilling is hot and quick) burgers. Since I don't have an outdoor grill (read, want a Webber kettle for next summer) I used the crappy grill pan I bought cheaply. Was still good. But the strawberry trifle I made was even better. And I even used low fat pudding and cool whip.

Today I get to clean. Lucky me. We're having people over Saturday for a Cranium tournament and I don't want anyone to see the slovenly way I actually live. Not sure yet what I'm making for eats. With strawberries in season, I was thinking about white cupcakes with strawberries inside and mascarpone/whipped cream topping. Sounds summery, right?

Is L.A. a refugee camp for Bostonians?

2006-05-24T23:54:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it's just that I'm getting all amped up over my upcoming vacation (seven weeks woo hoo!) but it seems that I've been having lots of clients from Boston lately. Of course, on the west side, nobody is from California and there are lots of east coast transplants, but I've had at least a couple from Boston a day.

The only downer is that the Red Socks are away whilst I'm there, but hey, gives me an excuse to return. I try to go to cities with plans to return. It lessens the stress of trying to see everything at once. First time in NYC my friend literally ran from one spot to another. As I'm not (correction, I wasn't) athletically inclined, plus was sick as a dog, that wasn't my idea of fun. I split from the group and had a blast walking around by myself.

Back to my Bostonians. The guy who looked remarkably like Danny Bonaducci told me that Boston is a great walking around in city. I love that! I'm planning on walking and taking public transportation around. It's silly, but being from L.A. I totally dig being able to get around in a city without a car.

And after I get home, I can start looking forward to my anual trip to New York in December. I love travel!

You'd think I'd know better...

2006-05-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

Pride goeth before the fall, did I say that right? After lecturing my roommate on Saturday about wearing sunblock to ren faire (which she didn't do anyhow) I fail to grasp that attending a friend's graduation will mean sitting out in the sun for an hour and a half. And get a gnarly sunburn myself.

This lovely photo is of my chubby upper arm. Note the unblemished (albeit freckled) white that was north of my shirt sleeve Saturday morn. And the ugly red below! Yech!

I can't even remember the last time I got sunburned, I'm usually quite dilligent about sunblock being as fair as I am. The worst of it was nearly purple on Saturday. I've been aloe-ing it for a couple of days now.

On another note, how boring is my life that I blog about getting a sunburn! Although I am getting excited about upcoming vacation. Fucking hotels are expensive! Especially going by myself. I'm working on M&D to hook me up with some Mariott points. They've got like a million! Already cultivating a travelling partner(s) for New York at my birthday. I just hope Cari sticks with this job and can and will go with. So, spring and ww (if you're still in NJ in December) count on the "Hey, wanna have a beer when I'm in town" email coming late this fall. (I am not going with grandma to New York again!)

In the patting myself on the back category, I didn't give in to the devilish little voice this morning telling me that I should stay home from the gym because of my sunburn. It only hurt when I was streching afterward. So there devilish voice!

Progress, maybe?

2006-05-16T10:07:00.000-07:00

Well, my eating right plans have fallen short of expectations. Better than I was, but not where I need to be. I guess that's progress. Yesterday I went to the gym in the afternoon, I usually go in the morning. Was very tired afterwards, but as usual on Mondays, I had better stamina. I'm not so sore today either. Hey, maybe this exercising is actually building muscle, amazing!

They finally got my info from KC and I'm official now. I've got my little key tag and even got measured yesterday. I hadn't been measured since last February. My waist was significantly smaller, and my hips somewhat larger, but the rest was about the same. Other than the waist, makes sense since I didn't work out for over a year. We'll see in a month when they measure me again.

I'll keep tryin' to keep up with the veggies. I really do like them, just have a tendency to forget/ignore that fact. I wonder if potatoes, tomatoes, onions and garlic would go good together. Maybe throw in a little rosemary before I kill the poor plant. Gettin' myself some ideas for dinner.....

You're such a pain in the ass!

2006-05-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

Oh, my aching ass! Yesterday, the owner or manager or chick who is usually working at the gym showed me how to kick it up a notch on a couple of machines. I go to Curves, and read the founder's book. He says that you're supposed to be more intense on the machines, and just keep up your heart rate on the pads in between. Also the way to build up more tension in the machines (hydrolic and spring resistance) is to do it fast. This way you're getting muscle building and aerobic at the same time. I think I may be one of the only people at my gym who have read that book, since most of the women are doing typical aerobics on the pads and acting like pansies on the machines. But that's just in my humble opinion.

I actually use the pads to lower my heart rate so I can keep going. I've also found that if I focus my mind on the muscles that each machine works on, I get a better workout. Well, let me tell you, four weeks later and my ass is still really sore! I am trying to up my intensity whenever I go. I think Mondays are the best, since I've had two days off. Makes me wonder if I need two days off instead of one. I like having my routine though. That, more than anything I think, is what's kept me going. I get up early and either go to the gym or for a walk. Come home, shower and change, then head to morning mass. Just making it something I do every day, like eating and breathing and other bodily functions which shall remain nameless.

But my ass and thighs are still sore. And my abs too, and obliques. Ah, well, just heal fast motherfuckers so I can start all over again tomorrow!

What ever happened to Saturday night.......

2006-05-05T11:26:00.000-07:00

.....It don't seem the same since cosmic light came into my life, I thought I was divine......

During my long drives to work every day (actually I usually do this on the long drive home) I've been singing loudly. Usually show tunes. I miss the days of Rock Horror. What the fuck happened? It was going strong for fifteen years then.......pffftttt! I think there are a couple of midnight showings like once a month or something still. (Pasadena and Long Beach) What's the matter with the theater geeks of today? What the hell are they doing at midnight on a Saturday night?

I've also been listening to Progressive talk (Air America). When I go into work at noon, I can catch Al Franken on my way to work and Jeanine Garafalo (I'm sure I just butchered the spelling of her name) on the way home. I would so go lesbo for her.

I bought an Italian language cd to listen to during my drive and I have been on occasion, but I usually either talk to myself, listen to talk radio or sing really loudly. Life is moving along at a pretty rapid clip here. I've been working out for three weeks now (just got home from Power Friday, instead of thirty seconds on each machine and twice around the circut, you do a full minute and once around the circut. I never knew how long a minute could be.) Although I have fun yapping with the other women there, I still want to skip it and sleep in. Every step, up to the door I think I could just go home now. So far, I've not missed. (M,W,F they tell you to take a day off between) This week I began going for walks on the days I don't work out. It's only been three weeks and I'm not really noticing any change either in look or feel, I did, however, notice that I need to kick it up a notch during my walk, yesterday I guess I was not walking vigorously enough and didn't really get the heart rate up. Usually any walking for a sustained period of time will do it.

I really have nothing to say. That's part of why I haven't been blogging. That and filling my time with other things (like the gym and church activities)

Gracias a Dios

2006-04-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

for fucking hot joggers.

My roommate and I went out to breakfast after I went to the gym. Yes, my sore, aching muscles absolutely demanded BC Cafe's super home fries! As I was driving home, I noticed a sign on the building across the street from the restaurant saying Gracias a Dios. So I started singing along, enjoying my window down, beautiful California day, making up my own tune singing Gracias a Dios. (espanol for thanks to god, or something like that) And I see this divine piece of eye candy. Bald headed, muscled jogging down the street. Maybe it's the weather, maybe I'm just noticing it more lately, maybe I'm just a randy bitch, but I've seen a lot of hot joggers in the last week or so.

Now that's something to offer thanks to my diety for! Gracias a Dios!

P.M.S. Poor Me Syndrome

2006-04-12T09:48:00.000-07:00

I was hanging out with a friend that I used to be really close with. We were best friends until January. I made peace with her, but we're not close anymore. But I noticed in the interim of us not being best best friends, her life seems to have flourished. I noticed the same thing with another severed relationship that I repaired recently. And it both cases, I was the least at fault. That sounds self-serving but it's really true.

But what really gets me is that without me in their lives, they seem to be flourishing; while I feel like I'm floundering. Am I bad for people? Did cutting my dead weight from their lives free them up to live better? And why is that so? You would think (damn me for believing in karma) that treating a friend poorly would be damaging.

Karma doesn't exist. Do the right thing for itself, for personal integrity. You won't be repayed in kind for it. But I feel like a little kid wailing It's not fair!!!

Chinga tu' madre pinche cabron!

2006-04-08T22:59:00.000-07:00

So, Cari and I were hanging out last night. (heh heh heh, I'm posting her name here!) And both of us being early thirties (my thirties are earlier than hers, though) lamenting the lack of relationship-material men. I decided a little while ago that I'm over the whole fucking just to fuck thing. If I'm gonna have sex with anyone other than B.O.B., it's gotta mean something. And I ask Cari the same question I've asked her a million times: What the fuck is wrong with me? And Cari answers the same question she's answered a million times: I don't know, I think you're all right.

So, we decided to Tarot. Fucking asshole cards. Basic interpretation was keep working on yourself. How much work do I need damnit! Time is a'tickin', these ovaries ain't getting any younger! And even now, any guy that's Catholic, my age, and not married has got to have something wrong with him or he'd be married by now. There is the possibility of finding someone fucked up like me, or divorced (shudder) who has only recently unfucked himself. But once again, I'm talking longshot.

Cari thinks I'm closed off. She says I give off (or have in the past) an unapproachable vibe. She even says I've got a look I shoot when someone tries to flirt. I respectfully disagree with her, but am taking the constructive criticism to heart. I'm working on being more emotionally available, or at least giving that impression.

I'm tired....sick and tired of love.....I've had my fill of love...from below or above...

2006-04-05T21:49:00.000-07:00

You guys are contageous. I'm getting more and more irked with alt. With alt bloggers, with hidden agendas, with all of the jockeying and posturing. And with myself that I still come back for more. I tell myself it's a connection to a few folks I actually like. And that is true. But the few that in interact with there is shrinking fast.

Okay, I just typed in the title and have to say I adored Madeline Kahn. She died on my birthday.

God bless Claremont!

2006-03-31T16:22:00.000-08:00

I fucking love Claremont. In my overwhelmingly conservative surroundings, Claremont is one small nub of liberalism. Actually only the southern part of Claremont is liberal, around the colleges. The big, custom homes on the hillside are definately conservative.

As I was driving home from Grandmama's house today, along surface streets because the freeway was so fucking backed up; there were demonstrators on the corner of Arrow Hwy. and Indian Hill. Holding up signs about the war. Hard to believe it's been four years. And they were mostly, I'd guess, on the downhill side of sixty or so. Not even aging hippies. Maybe aging Yippees.....

Senor, su pito es el mas guapo del mundo!

2006-03-29T00:29:00.000-08:00

I couldn't figure out how to put the tilde' (~) over the "n" in Senor. But I figure it's something a guy would want to hear anywho. This is so fun! I got all excited over my first comment (thank you curious!) On alt I get all skeeved by people not commenting. It's silly, I know, but it buuuugs me!

Almost nobody is listening so I can sing as loudly as I like in the shower and not worry about the consequences. I feel pretty, oh so pretty......Okay enough of the West Side Story revival.

Why is it when I blog from an aspect of my personality that I'm not particularly fond of, I get lots of responses. I adore all of the folks who sent me "chin up" messages. But why do they respond to the whiney Cindy I'm not terrifically fond of, and when I'm confident and happy, and God-forbid, spiritual; zippo?

I'm getting a bit (yeah, a big bit) obsessive about blogging, about who is viewing and commenting on my blog. About who is viewing and not commenting on my blog. Need to take a big step back and this is just the place for me to step to!

Dipping my toe into the waters

2006-03-28T09:47:00.000-08:00

So, saying I'm not really going to write here has, of course, given me the itch to do so. I am tiring a bit of all of the b.s. in dealing with blogging on a dating site. We'll just see how this goes...

I'm just here for the beer

2006-03-27T23:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I wasn't gonna create a blog here. I am one of the three people who still likes to blog at alt, but I couldn't comment on BB's without having my own. Don't expect a lot from me!