Brain shit

It an attempt to feel better and begin to get my dietary habits going toward the right track, I went grocery shopping this morning after the gym. Since our fridge is broken, this can be a bit more difficult. I bought some fruit, frozen (the freezer is still working for now) lean cuisine and smart ones meals for work, bottled water, and pita. I know that I need to make huge changes in my lifestyle, but doing it one step at a time is how I'm going about it. Next week will mark two months of going to Curves three times a week. I also get measured on Monday (one month after my last measuring)

This morning was difficult. I think it's because of the crap, utter crap, I've been ingesting. It's like I'm possessed. I turn my brain off and go to that Drive-Thru. I've analyzed and analyzed it over and over. Trying to find why I'm a compulsive over-eater. And I don't come up with any answers. Well, any lasting ones. And then I wonder, do the reasons matter? If I know the exact reason why I'm fucked up in this way, will I be able to change it? I kind of doubt that. Maybe this is just something I was born with, nature not nurture. I mean, not all addicts have some childhood trauma that makes them an addict. Some just are. And it's the actions, not feeding the addiction, that is important. Not so much the reason behind it.

This is my issue. I don't have addiction problems with anything else. Other that my compulsive over-eating, I'm pretty mentally healthy. This is my thing. And I need to get over it.