Tuesday, August 01, 2006

I can beat up my brother, but YOU'd better not!

I'm ranting over here because the last time this person pissed me off over there, it started a mini-war. I am so fucking sick of people who rag on my religion. I don't care if you think it's a bunch of hooey, or that the Catholic church is oppressive, by condemning and belittling (in a favorable forum, I might add, how many alt members are going to be offended by you slamming Catholocism) you are just like the actions which you condemn.

I am a liberal Catholic. I don't agree with everything that comes out of the Vatican. But I do consider it. I don't believe that IVF is wrong, therefore I don't believe embryonic stem-cell research is wrong. But at least the Vatican is consistant on that. Unlike the Bush administration. You can't be for one and against the other in my opinion.

The Catholic church is an easy target for cheap shots. Just as the US is. I get pretty pissed off by people who DON'T LIVE HERE criticizing my country. It's not just that, I think it's the way she does it too. Looking down from a position of lofty superiority. Look, I didn't vote for this administration, which gives ME and not YOU the right to bitch about it.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

More puppy pics

Daisy is coming home next Saturday. Woo hoo!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Just keep truckin'

An ammendment to my previous blog regarding obsession. Here's the rub, I am me. Fantasizing that I'm someone else is just silly and fruitless. I've just gotta power through this madness. And reality check. The good news is that I can't not be me for long, so this is just a temporary case of insanity. Just keep being me that's all I can do.

One of my favorite priests said that original sin, the sin of Adam and Eve, is not that they disobeyed God. It's that they didn't think they were good enough as they were. I try to remember that and revel in the creation of myself.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Obsession stinks

Crappity crap crap crap. My latest crush is fast becoming a bit obsessive. I fucking hate that because it signals the beginning of the end for me. I get to a point where I am too afraid to be myself fearful that my crush won't like me and I start acting weird. Overanalyzing myself and my actions and my crush and my crush's actions. "What does this mean?" or "Is he just trying to get rid of me?"

And I fantasize about my crush. And what I just realized this minute, sitting on the plane coming home from Colorado, is that I'm not really fantasizing about a boy. I'm fantasizing about myself. That I'm someone else. How fucking sick/sad is that shit?

Friday, June 30, 2006



Okay, that was seriously lame. I just had to do it. This is my new puppy, Daisy. I get to take her home in August. She's so fucking cute.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

It is what it is....

Warning: whiney PMS (poor me syndrome) crap to follow.

After my weekend with the lunatic family (as described at the other place) I find myself in a cranky, cynical mood. Cari used a phrase I'd coined as a blog title, and for some reason it just bothered me. I only have a few good witticisms, do ya gotta use 'em? My personality is all I've really got going for me, and her using my words just feels like, c'mon let me have one thing that I can work it with. It's kinda fun, kinda weird blogging on the same site. She's getting a lot more singles action than I am. I'm not using alt to hook up with anyone right now, but it plays into my insecurities. It's always the same. Guys want to talk to me, and want to fuck her. She's not too fond of that situation either.

What the fuck is wrong with me that I get envious of my friends? Even if I don't really want what they have. I don't want casual sex, but I do want to have someone that's interested in me. Even if I realize it's just a sham, that they wouldn't want me once they saw me. It just feels like I'm fucking repellant. In lots of areas of my life right now that I don't want to post.

Maybe it's just revisiting parental issues that's bringing this up. Donna (my mom's neighbor) is telling me I need to be demonstrative with my dad. Major rejection issues there. And that makes me feel guilty, because it's not like my dad abandoned us like so many fathers have. He was just emotionally unavailable. And I realize that it's because of his baggage with his parents. But sometimes I just want to say, what about me? When do I get to cry on someone's shoulder? Can't I just have someone who's there for me?

And saying this shit makes me feel so guilty and selfish. But it is.

a side note: my roommate is so sweet, she can hear me sniffing and wiping my face and she asks: You okay? Of course I say yeah, like it's no big deal. And there you have it.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Results, or lack thereof...

Okay, so I've procrastinated enough. My accomplishments this weekend: On friday, I made my bed and put away my laundry. Today, tuesday, there is a pile of clean laundry on my bed.

I ended up going on a road trip with Cari. (details on the alt blog) It was a much needed mental health day. This weekend I'm heading off to visit mis padres. Doesn't look like the house is getting cleaned anytime soon....